I think it’s fair to say I entered parenthood with rose-colored glasses. The idea of becoming a mother seemed easy and so very beautiful, or at least that’s how it played out on TV and in the magazines. Now that I’m looking back with three kids of my own, boy, was I wrong. Thank goodness for Ilana Wiles of the popular parenting blog Mommy Shorts, who not only keeps it real but keeps her audience laughing about the reality of having children. Yes, pregnancy and parenthood are beautiful things, but they’re also damn funny, and we don’t tell ourselves often enough that it’s okay to laugh, cry and make silly mistakes. It wasn’t until I had my first child that I realized we’re all in the same boat, and figuring out life with a growing family doesn’t always have a perfect formula. In her new book The Mommy Shorts Guide to Remarkably Average Parenting, Ilana says what we are all actually thinking during our journey through pregnancy and parenthood. And that, folks, is priceless.
Today we’re excited to share with you an excerpt from Ilana’s hilarious book. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and you’ll be oh-so-happy that we’re all in this thing together as you read through her take on the dreaded third trimester.
10 Real Reasons Your Third Trimester is Awesome
1. If you’ve spent your whole life trying to hide your less than flat stomach (as I have), suddenly you are totally comfortable having it on full display.
2. When making restaurant/take-out/dinner decisions with a group of friends/coworkers/relatives, everybody always defers to you to make the final call.
3. You can use “I’m not feeling up to it” to get out of pretty much anything—household chores, visiting friends all the way across town, bedtime routine with your toddler, etc.
4. You can send your husband out on emergency errands like “It’s eleven p.m. and I need Twizzlers!” or “I know we have five cartons of ice cream in the freezer, but none of them are Ben and Jerry’s Americone Dream!!!”
5. If an old person gets on the bus/train/subway, you don’t have to be the one to give up your seat.
6. You can alternate between the same two outfits for three months and nobody bats an eye.
7. Random strangers smile at you on the street and it’s not that creepy. You actually kind of like it. (As long as they don’t try to touch you.)
8. Bathroom lines magically part for you, restaurant employees allow you to use their facilities even if you wandered in off the street and have no intention of eating there, and Broadway theater ushers will pick you out of obscenely long intermission bathroom lines and escort you to magical private bathrooms you never knew existed. (It’s true! I was there!)
9. Nobody ever expects you to carry anything.
10. You may look and feel like a whale, but it’s a whale with AMAZING HAIR.
The Mommy Shorts Guide to Remarkably Average Parenting is available online from select retailers.